Growth Is Returning — Not Chasing
(Why the Version of Me I Long to Be Is Already Within Me)
At 2AM, Alfred is crying.
I’m exhausted.
We don’t understand each other.
And I just want him to drink his milk so we can all go back to sleep.
In that moment, I get impatient.
The part of me that wants to fix, control, move on — it takes over.
And for a few minutes, feeding becomes a task. A checkbox.
I disconnect.
For a long time, I thought growth meant not doing that.
Not getting impatient. Not slipping. Not reacting.
I thought growth meant becoming someone more together, more polished, more “better.”
But lately, I’ve been seeing it differently:
✨ Growth isn’t about chasing an ideal version of myself.
It’s about returning to who I already am — with more awareness, more care, more choice.
That version of me I admire — the grounded, loving, patient father?
He’s not far away.
He’s already in me.
And here’s how I know:
That version must already live inside me — because I feel resonance with him.
He doesn’t feel foreign. He feels familiar.
I’m drawn to him not because I should be like him, but because something in me recognises him.
This is something I’ve come to trust more and more:
🌱 You can’t be deeply inspired by something that doesn’t already live inside you.
Real inspiration isn’t about idolising what’s “out there.”
It’s about something within you being stirred — remembered.
It means the qualities I long for are already part of me — waiting to be nurtured, chosen, and expressed.
The moment something resonates, it’s because that part of me already exists, even if it hasn’t been fully lived yet.
I’m not chasing it. I’m realising it.
That realisation changed everything.
It meant I no longer had to fix myself to be enough.
I just had to relate to myself differently.
To become the kind of person who returns to what’s true — even after I’ve missed the mark.
That’s what I now call compassionate alignment.
So now, even in moments like 2AM, when I’m tired and frustrated, I do this:
I notice when I’ve slipped.
I take a breath.
I acknowledge the part of me that’s reacting — the fixer, the controller, the “get-it-done” part.
And I say:
“I see you. You’re trying to help. But this moment needs something else. I’m going to lead from presence.”
And just like that — not with force, but with relationship — I return.
Not because I’ve perfected myself.
But because I’ve remembered who I am.
💡 Here’s what I’m realising more and more:
Growth is not something to chase.
It’s something to realise.
And realisation happens when I learn to return — again and again — to what’s already true inside me.
Growth is not about:
Polishing myself
Proving myself
Outrunning my flaws
It’s about:
Being in relationship with all parts of me
Choosing who leads
And trusting that the version I long to be is already here, already home.
That’s self-actualisation.
Not some final destination.
But the daily practice of showing up — not perfectly, but honestly.
Not forcefully, but faithfully.
Not by striving…
But by returning.
✨ If you’ve been chasing growth, try asking instead:
“What version of me already feels familiar?”
“What part of me do I keep returning to when I’m grounded, honest, and at peace?”
“What if the work isn’t to become someone else… but to remember who I’ve been all along?”
You don’t need to be flawless to grow.
You don’t need to be someone else to be enough.
You just need to keep returning — with care, with choice, with compassion.
That’s the real work.
And you’re already in it.
Let me know if you'd like to format this into a downloadable piece for your audience or blog, or if you want to build an accompanying visual or audio version to speak it aloud. This post is core wisdom — it could easily anchor a future talk, podcast, or course theme.
