Evy’s Story: Love and Money — Maybe Love More?

Yesterday, Evy and Quynh Anh paid us a visit. As always, she was radiant — full of love, warmth, and grace. A brilliant human being.

At one point, she mentioned her brother, a surgeon who just built a beautiful home in Maroubra. Every year, their family gathers there for Christmas and Easter — this year, there were 18 of them. A big, joyful tradition.

I didn’t say it out loud, but part of me felt a quiet envy. I don’t have 18 people to celebrate with every year. I felt the absence of that kind of big, warm, overflowing family love. But of course, I didn’t mention it to her. After all, she’s so wonderful to us.

I did say, “I want that for us — money and love.”
They laughed, said I was being so real.
But was I?

On reflection today, I wonder if it’s really the money I want.
Money is just an idea — a number I can’t quite hold in my hands.
Maybe what I long for is love. Maybe it’s the love I want more.

But even then… do I really want that much love, from that many people?

I’ve been in spaces where people were kind, welcoming, generous —
and still felt unfulfilled.
I often find myself pulled toward one-on-one, deep-and-meaningful conversations — seeking connection, resonance, the magic of being seen and understood.

But those moments are rare.
Not everyone’s available for that kind of connection, and not every occasion makes space for it.

Maybe… what I’ve been longing for all along is self-intimacy.

All those imagined deep conversations with an invisible friend — maybe that was life nudging me inward. Maybe the connection I’ve yearned for is the one I can build with myself.

Maybe the desire to be seen, held, understood, and embraced —
that warm, safe, loving presence I’ve always imagined in a friend —
maybe that’s who I can be for me.

What if I can be that friend to myself?

What if self-intimacy isn’t just possible —
but something I’m naturally good at,
just never given the chance to practice?