Playing With My Default Go-To

Today I learned something that didn’t come from a book or a quote — it came from knowing myself, with Irene’s help. I learned that I have a natural loving tendency and a fast-paced mind, likely tied to my ADHD traits. That’s not a contradiction. It’s just… me.

I used to think that taking my nature into account when making decisions was a constraint. Like I was adding more steps, slowing myself down, being less efficient. But now I’m starting to see it differently: maybe it's not about slowing down — maybe it's about choosing well so I don’t spin in circles.

For example:

• I know I thrive on spontaneity and randomness.

• I also know I don’t cope well with overwhelm and anxiety.

These aren't flaws — they’re facts. Like gravity. Like how metal reacts to acid. My default go-to is a real force — and pretending it’s not there doesn’t make it disappear. If I want to work with myself instead of against myself, I have a choice:

• I can treat these tendencies as constraints, things to overcome so I can chase some idea of who I think I should be.

• Or I can acknowledge, accept, and even bank into them — design my approach with them in mind. That might actually boost my wellbeing, not weigh it down.

And maybe, just maybe… that’s not slower at all. Maybe I’ve been “powering through” for years, and it hasn’t made me any more productive — just more stubborn, more reactive, more drained. Have I even looked at the results of that method honestly?

What if this self-knowledge — this gentle, grounded kind — is the very thing that lets me play better, create better, live better?

Because when I trust that I know myself well enough to make decisions that work for me… that’s when I get to bring my full self to the table.

And that’s when I really get to play.